Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling

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  (651): But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling http://tfl.nu/6n5a
  Replies (1) Good night (596) Bad night (956)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...

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  (313): so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal... http://tfl.nu/prbt
  Replies (8) Good night (754) Bad night (3175)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.

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  (215): At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware. http://tfl.nu/07cm
  Replies (33) Good night (2915) Bad night (738)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.

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  (206): I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship. http://tfl.nu/9mk5
  Replies (40) Good night (3545) Bad night (1024)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant

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  (347): I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant http://tfl.nu/amxy
  Replies (29) Good night (1176) Bad night (5860)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on

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  (915): like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on http://tfl.nu/aizw
  Replies (7) Good night (4326) Bad night (914)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?

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  (701): Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire? http://tfl.nu/pmju
  Replies (3) Good night (1384) Bad night (1910)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just invented taco cereal.

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  (503): Just invented taco cereal. http://tfl.nu/md8j
  Replies (8) Good night (1495) Bad night (1918)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.

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  (732): Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after. http://tfl.nu/ay86
  Replies (17) Good night (4595) Bad night (907)
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  (415): View more from California

  Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.

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  (415): Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league. http://tfl.nu/kjpn
  Replies (3) Good night (2183) Bad night (789)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.

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  (405): I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/on2x
  Replies (4) Good night (1282) Bad night (827)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.

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  (360): Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours. http://tfl.nu/m716
  Replies (4) Good night (469) Bad night (1369)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Who is our new insurance provider?

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  (978): FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning. (978): Who is our new insurance provider? http://tfl.nu/a2lj
  Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (234)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god

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  (410): I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god http://tfl.nu/pepn
  Replies (7) Good night (772) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days

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  (651): You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days http://tfl.nu/dsf3
  Replies (4) Good night (564) Bad night (384)

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