And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing