After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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