I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?