yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.