Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.