Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder