I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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