don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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