i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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