I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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