My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
