Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
