Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
