he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
