Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
