I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
