You're completely useless in the revolution.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
