I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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