apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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