He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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