I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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