I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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