I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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