fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
