dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's just like the Real World with babies
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
