You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
