So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
