Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
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I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
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I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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