so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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