I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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