I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship