there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just want cinnabon and vodka.