so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month