cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
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I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.