I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
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i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
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I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you