My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that