my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
