Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
