Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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