I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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