Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
