dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
