glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
