oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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