The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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