Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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