when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
