Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
