She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
