Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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