why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
