dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
