I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
