I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
