Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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