my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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