SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
