i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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