Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Couch. On fire.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
