I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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