There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
