I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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