He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
