I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was born a porn star she said
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
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i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good