this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How does one acquire holy water?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it