You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.