What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.