you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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