Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.