saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.