I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
