Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
