you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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