You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
