I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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