In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
