If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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