OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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