Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
birth control should be required to get into college
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
