In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
