its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
