so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
